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Pixar’s “Brave” trailer is a masterpiece in and of itself.
I never thought anything would upset The Dark Knight Rises as the number one 2012 movie I anticipate the most. That all changed today, when I saw the trailer for Pixar’s latest, Brave. Every frame of this trailer is absolutely breathtaking. FLAWLESS. The atmosphere is absolutely stunning, the animation is incredible, the cinematography is immaculate…oh, for crying out loud, watch it already!
Am I the only one who senses a Best Picture Oscar lurking about?!
“Battle: LA” review
It’s schlock, but fun, fun schlock.
I didn’t go into Battle: LA expecting the next Casablanca or Seven Samurai. I went in expecting a movie about soldiers and aliens shooting each other. It’s a big, boisterous, stupid thrill ride with zero pretension. And it’s an absolute blast.
Aaron Eckhart gives a surprisingly (for a movie of this caliber) great performance in the lead as an aging Staff Sergeant with a dark past, Michael Nantz, who is on his way out of the corps. But that’s before aliens hit the ground and shoot the City of Angels to holy hell. Needless to say, Nantz springs into action with a motley crew to save the city and get his one last shot at redemption. The film spends its first twenty minutes introducing us to our cardboard cut-out cannon fodder, going through all the familiar tropes and introducing all the familiar characters. It’s a misstep, but an easily forgettable one in context of what comes next.
The nonstop action setpieces are the main attraction and are thrilling and kinetic. Director Jonathan Liebesman makes stunning use of surround sound (sound editing Oscar, anyone?) and handheld cameras to place the viewer in the middle of the crossfire. The closest thing I can equate it to is Black Hawk Down, except the streets of Mogadishu are the smoldering, corpse-ridden remains of L.A. and the Somali extremists are immensely weaponed aliens. The destruction of the city is an achievement in an of itself, feeling like a real and menacing disaster area, lurking with the footsoldiers of the extraterrestrial threat. It’s by far the most realistic-feeling alien invasion film ever made, if such a thing can exist. Forsooth, it’s definitely schlock. Scores of bodies drop and scores more random things blow up, but it’s more than exciting and wholly entertaining.
Also, the film’s portrayal of the marines is particularly refreshing in a Hollywood that sees our military as an uncontrollable mob of psychopathic rapists. Our soldiers here are noble and bold, ready to lay down their life for comrade and country. Most of our cannon fodder fill their stereotypes neatly, for all their cheesy dialog, most notably Michelle Rodriguez as Michelle Rodriguez. But it all comes down to Eckhart as Nantz, who infuses his role with such determination and honesty that it’s impossible not to feel for him. There’s a scene in which Nantz breaks down in front of his troops that, in a shocking change of pace amidst the blockbuster destruction, is a truly poignant and powerful moment. It’s all because of Eckhart. He gives the role his all and it truly, immensely pays off.
Battle: LA is by no stretch of the imagination high art. It’s a high-voltage video game come to life whose sole purpose is to entertain the action junkie. Unlike many of today’s action films, it bears no pretense of being anything more than what it is. I feel the critical lashing the movie received, while not entirely undeserved, was blown far out of proportion. It’s fun. It’s harmless fun and it exists to entertain. I implore you to sit down with this one on a rainy day, turn off your brain and give it a chance. You just might have a blast.
6.5/10
My fake Criterion Blu-ray cover for ‘The Terminator’
For those of you who don’t know, Criterion is a company that takes landmark films, restores them to the highest quality possible and gives them lavish home video releases. They’ve worked wonders with everything from the filmography of Akira Kurosawa to Michael Bay blockbusters. Anyway, inspired by the wonderful blog Fake Criterions, I decided to make my own Blu-ray cover for The Terminator.
(Click the photo to go to my Flickr, where you can enlarge it)
Feel free to download the picture and print it for yourself. I’m quite a fan of designing logos and such and I hope to crank a few more of these out in the future.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” review
We’ve seen this before.
The Pirates of the Caribbean saga has had a makeover. Sort of. After the humongous disappointment that was At World’s End, Disney suits jettisoned director Gore Verbinski and most of the dangling plot threads, hiring Rob Marshall (Chicago) and refashioning the series in the tradition of 007; fun, self-contained adventures. I think that such a concept has every reason to work and to yield delightful results. However, this outing falls flat. The truth is, Verbinski was not the weakest link. It’s the writers, Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott. They’ve thoroughly exhausted their bag of tricks, and it shows on-screen in On Stranger Tides. Most of the humor is bankrupt, the action sequences are serviceable but bland, and what characters have carried over do the same song and dance. Say what you will about At World’s End, but even at its most convoluted, at least it had a pulse.
From the get-go, the creative exhaustion shows, as Johhny Depp’s immortal character, Jack Sparrow, finds himself chased about the streets of London by the King’s soldiers. Elliot and Rossio’s script fires a rapid volley of Jack-humor, most of which falls flat. Depp is visibly less enthusiastic and vibrant here as well, communicating just how worn the entire franchise is. He does his “Jack” thing, but there’s something lacking. He’s just going through the motions, no longer a hilarious, charming rogue but a generic goofball.
Picking up from the end of the last film, Jack’s off to find the Fountain of Youth. After a fantastic re-appearance by Kieth Richards as Jack’s father, Captain Teague, Sparrow falls into the clutches of his old flame, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) and Captain Blackbeard (Ian McShane). The duo force Jack into leading them to the Fountain. However, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), reformed of his pirating ways, sails in the name of King George to claim the waters of the Fountain for Britain. Meanwhile, the Spanish are in on the secret and seek to assert ownership as well.
McShane is adequate in the role of Blackbeard, but unfortunately, his hammy performance fails to infuse the character with anything more than a monotonous “roar-I’m-evil” vibe. Rush gets in his kicks, but, like Depp, he seems bored. Only Cruz seems to be truly enjoying herself on set, radiating enthusiasm in nearly every second of her screen time.
The plot moves along at an efficient pace, but the twists and turns play out in a workmanlike fashion. As you can imagine, there’s the usual double-crossings and tight scrapes, but here, it seems obligatory. Will and Elizabeth are gone, but Elliot and Rossio shoehorn in a romance between a clergyman and a mermaid. Their characters receive virtually no development, making their subplot largely superfluous.
Rob Marshall proves to be, like everything else in this movie, adequate. When I heard he was attached, I was excited to think he would jazz up the franchise with a visual flair he exhibited in his Best Picture-winning Chicago. Alas, he, strangely enough, directs with what largely amounts to indifference, which is most painfully noticeable in the many action scenes. Unlike the thrilling warfare we witnessed in Verbinski’s trilogy, the battles here are simply bland and unmemorable. The only time it felt like his direction was truly alive was in the last ten minutes of the film, with its beautiful island vistas and shots of characters in silhouette against gorgeous sunsets. But, for the most part, his presence is marked by a nosedive in artistic quality in the franchise.
That’s not to say the movie isn’t entertaining, but it’s only so on the basest of levels. There’s nothing here that truly connects like the former films. It’s serviceable, yet so very, very empty. I still firmly believe that the series has a shot under the proposed stand-alone-adventures model, but for it to work, Disney must ditch Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott. Court a writer/director like Edgar Wright, who continuously creates critically-acclaimed action comedies such as Hot Fuzz and Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. They could try Ji-woon Kim, whose The Good, the Bad, the Weird was a riotous and thrilling film, that was, ironically enough, in the filmmaking vein of Pirates of the Caribbean! The possibilities are endless. Though Disney’s move to bring fresh blood to the saga was a respectable one, until Rossio and Elliott are gone, the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise will continue to sail closer toward the rocks.
5/10.
Return of the Jedi: Dan Edit review
“Return” redeemed.
I posted a tweet today that said “what’s a movie you loved in your childhood, but watched when you were older and realized your memories were better than the film itself?” When I posted that, I was thinking of Return of the Jedi. When I was younger, the conclusion to the epic Star Wars saga thrilled me like nothing ever had before. But now, in my teens, when I watch it, I see flaws that mar the memories of my childhood wonderment. The entire opening on Tatooine, which is nearly an hour long, is naught but filler. The dialog ranges from obvious to stilted to just plain poor. Nearly every performance, for the majority of the film, seems phoned in, and there’s a Phantom-Menace-like tone of silliness that hovers over nearly all of the proceedings, especially in form of the atrocious Ewoks. When I watched Return of the Jedi, I no longer felt the exhiliration of the Tatooine escape. I was no longer rivited by the dark emotional conflict and redemption of Darth Vader. I no longer cried out in elation when the second Death Star inexplicably exploded in a giant fireball in the vaccum of space.
That is, before Fanedit.org user Yads got a hold of the movie.
In Return of the Jedi: Dan Edit, Yads hacks away whenever he feasibly can at the things that made this movie fall short of the glorious standard of its predecessors. He streamlines the narrative, axes all the childishness he can and restores the emotional impact that so rivited me on my grandparents’ couch at 7 years old.
Yads is absolutely merciless in his war against Jedi’s iniquities, slashing a truly massive and ambitious 27 minutes, bringing the film’s runtime to 1:42 and infusing it with a refreshing breathlessness that forces us to feel our heroes’ plight in a much more visceral way than ever before.
The effects of this pedal-to-the-metal editing are almost immediately noticeable. The rescue on Tatooine now flies by at breakneck intensity. Gone is the lame humor of Jabba’s pet, Salacious Crumb. Absent is the pointless dance number in the palace. Vanished are all traces of Boba Fett, whose ridiculous death was a slap in the face to the fans. Excised are countless asides that enveloped this movie’s legs in molasses. This new Jedi is a lean, mean, aggressive beast. The entire rescue mission is done and dusted before the film hits the 25-minute mark, and before we know it, we’re swept away in the Rebels’ fight to eliminate the Death Star, and, most importantly, the drama of Luke’s inevitable showdown with his father.
The improvements grow even stronger once the movie reaches Endor. One of my favorite scenes, the speeder bike chase, has a hatchet taken to it, slimming it down into a faster, more furious action sequence whose thrills are amplified a thousandfold. Yads spares no pity on the sickeningly adorable Ewoks, carving out nearly every embarassing shot of comic relief, most notably that entire god-forsaken sequence in which Leia first encounters their mupetty awfulness. Such edits, whilst unable to totally defeat their nauseating cuteness, heavily reduce filler and lend the film a FAR more serious vibe that electrifies the Battle of Endor. The Ewoks no longer appear to be walking off the set of Home Alone, but rise up to fight the Imperial tyranny and get nearly wiped out by the Emperor’s legions of superior firepower. So masterful is the editing here that, at one moment, I actually found myself pitying them.
Yads’ handling of Jedi’s triple climax is masterful. The exorcism of clutter lends the film an elegant pacing that’s absolutely poetic, giving it a tension that rivets like never before. Most importantly, the final showdown between Luke and Vader feels more personal than it ever has. Through his ingenious editing, the showdown becomes the crux of the entire film, no longer lost in the desperate struggle of the Rebel fleet or the antics of the Ewoks below. When Luke struggles with his hatred, we feel his pain. As he faces off against his own father, his desperation comes off as sincere. When he loses control and assaults Vader, the raw emotion radiating off the screen takes on an otherworldly strength. Finally, when we look upon the face of the dying Anakin Skywalker, the film dares you to shed a tear with a power not felt since the first time we experienced the movie. In my estimation, Yads lifts this film from the dregs of disappointment threequels and truly establishes it amongst the first two as a fantastic conclusion to the saga.
Are there downsides? Yeah, a few minor ones. Yads creates a negligible continuity area in Jabba’s palace by cutting Leia and Jabba’s haggling. There’s one (in the ENTIRE film) awful audio crossfade during the fight at the Sarlaac pit, and, in choosing not to show the admittedly silly shot where the droids are lifted from the sand, he neglects to show them ever leaving the skiff before it blows. Also, the fact that the edit is currently only available in PAL format (Star Wars on helium!) is a bummer. But, hey, I’m sure he’ll fix these things when the Blu-ray comes out.
Obviously, there are things he can’t rectify. The acting’s still a drop wooden and some of the dialog still reeks of the Prequels, but such flaws seem almost inconsequential when viewed in context of Yads’ edit. The man has made Return of the Jedi no longer just alright, but nearly a masterpiece. Bravo, Yads. Bravo.
8/10
Download Yads’ masterful edit.
“Wait, what? What are you on about, Chris? A fan edit? What?”
A fan edit is, as the title implies, an edit of a film created by the viewer. The most common technique is to rip the movie to one’s computer and edit it in a good piece of software. Most fan edits are posted online for others to download for free, a practice that is perfectly legal as long as the one downloading the edit owns a copy of the original movie. For more info, check out http://www.fanedit.org
What happened?
I disappeared for two months, not posting a thing. What happened? Writer’s block, man. And it wasn’t just affecting my blog; I have a massive assignment for school, and in six weeks, I completed six paragraphs.
Yeah. It was that bad.
Anyway, I survived. Somehow. But I am going to change a couple of things regarding how I run this site. First, I won’t be posting on a schedule. I used to make it a point to post every weekend. Not anymore. Giving myself a deadline alternately encourages me to stress out or procrastinate. I write best when something just randomly comes to me. Writing under pressure, I think, contributed to my brain shutting down for two months.
Also, I’m not obligating myself to anything particular to write about. I mean, yeah, this thing is staying about movies, but I’m going to avoid giving myself assignments, for reasons that were pretty much listed above. Remember when I said I’d start a Star Wars review series (post since deleted)? I began writing it and it was terrible.
Case in point, though, I’m back. Thank you all for reading and being so supportive. ^_^
Chris
If Harry Potter were rebooted…
You know it’ll happen, and if you didn’t, do you really think Warner Brothers is going to let such a profitable franchise slip so easily? News hit yesterday that Batman‘s going to be rebooted immediately after Christopher Nolan’s done. What makes you think Potter will be treated any differently?
I’m a big fan of the Harry Potter movies; they capture the spirit of the books while standing on their own as mostly great films. Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, as well as the rest of the series’ immense ensemble have indelibly imprinted themselves onto the hearts and minds of millions of fans, turning it into the most profitable franchise of all time.
Which is why Warner will never let it go.
However, it’s not like a different take wouldn’t be appreciated. After all, everyone who reads a book imagines it in their own way; it’d be a joy to see new and different takes on these beloved characters and their stories.
So, this is my list of prospective directors for each installment in the franchise, and why I think they’d be perfect.
(Note – I posted a list like this on Twitter, but it’s undergone a few changes)
The Philosopher’s Stone – Danny Boyle
Danny Boyle is a filmmaker who is, as of late, infatuated with uplifting, awe-inspiring stories. From Slumdog Millionaire to Millions to 127 Hours, Boyle’s films are an enthusiastic ode to a bright future and the undying human spirit. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is right up his alley. Boyle has the capacity to capture the whimsey, wonder and enthusiasm whilst keeping the narrative tight, the characters well-developed and endearing and the visual journey an extraordinary experience.
Chamber of Secrets – Spike Jonze
Where The Wild Things Are is one of my favorite movies of all time. Spike Jonze perfectly captured the emotional journey of the lead character, Max (directing young Max Records in a performance that should have been Oscar-nominated) whilst using wondrous imagery to envelop us in the mysterious and magical world he created. The second installment, whilst keeping the innocence of the first, delves into darker material that Jonze would be a perfect match for. His characters are strong and his style is absolutely wonderful, perfectly suited for the magical world within Hogwarts. Bringing his sensibilities to Chamber of Secrets would be miraculous.
Prisoner of Azkaban – Guillermo del Toro
Let me preface this by saying that no one will ever do this story better than Alfonso Cuarón. Ever. That said, del Toro, who actually had the chance to direct this film the first time around, would give us the next best thing. As evidenced in Pan’s Labyrinth, where he created a tale of an emotionally bruised child in an imaginary fantasy land, he could create a vividly real and extraordinary version of Rowling’s world, giving us relatable characters as they enter the tribulation of their teenage years.
Goblet of Fire – Zack Snyder
Goblet of Fire is commonly regarded as a step back, story-wise, from Prisoner of Azkaban, and let’s face it: it is. Until the very end of the book, there isn’t very much that helps the overall plot of the series along at all. But, my gosh, would it make one heck of a Zack Snyder action flick. The Quidditch World Cup, the fight with the Hungarian Horntail, the Triwizard Maze and Harry’s showdown with Voldemort. Say hello to breathtaking action choreography and beautiful slow-mo cinematography. As Goblet of Fire is commonly regarded as the “action” installment, I see this as an equation for instant awesome.
Order of the Phoenix – Joss Whedon
The book was practically written as a Joss Whedon vehicle. The central theme is rebellion, the characters achieve more depth than ever before, and the twists and turns are absolutely shocking. Whedon has dealt with teen angst (Buffy) and rebellion (Firefly) before, and is amazing at fleshing out entire enselmbles to make you care about every single character. His skill with dialogue is impeccable and his artistic sensibilities are stunning. He is not just a good fit; he’s the PERFECT fit.
Half-Blood Prince – Debra Granik
Debra Granik’s masterful Winter’s Bone kept things up close and personal, a quality that would make for a masterful adaptation of Half-Blood Prince. This is the installment where, in essence, the end begins. Granik’s style would be faultless in capturing Harry’s condition, watching as everything he knows and holds dear falls apart, forcing him to make tough decisions that will alter the course of his own life and the lives of his closest friends. Winter’s Bone was short on frills and high on absorbing drama, the perfect approach to this ominous story.
The Deathly Hallows – Peter Jackson
You knew this name was going to show up somewhere on this list. His eye for spectacle is astounding, and his feel for characters is impeccable. Sure, his films extend to three hours and beyond, but that’s just what Deathly Hallows needs: a gut-wrenching, culminative climax in which everything from the previous installments pays off. Some of the biggest events of the entire series happen here, and Jackson’s immense vision is the answer.
If the Potter series were to get a do-over, who would you care to see handle it?
This is Christian, signing off.
“The Rite” review
This movie licks goat testicles.
It’s difficult to write a full-length review of Mikael Håfström’s The Rite because so little happens in its grueling 114 minutes. It’s a laboriously paced exercise in poor dialog, worse acting and constant tonal shifts between dull attempts at atmospheric horror and ineffective jump scares.
The centerpiece of this ill-advised stroke of uninspired tedium is the sleepy, wooden Colin O’Donoghue, who plays Michael Kovak. Kovak is such a pathetically-written character that it seems almost unfair to point out the ridiculousness of nearly every action he undertakes. Michael comes from a family in which everyone has either been a mortician or a priest. Therefore, he supposedly HAS to choose one path or the other. Why? Because he feels that way. This “conflict” almost instantly tells us that Kovak is a pathetic, insecure pushover, incapable of seizing control of his own life. Not a good quality for a protagonist to have. Anyway, dead bodies creep him the heck out (even though he, under the tutelage of his father, prepares them for burial every day), so he decides to attend a seminary to become a priest. Even though he’s an atheist.
Even though he’s an atheist.
Even though he’s an ATHEIST.
Years later, Kovak is about to graduate and is dissatisfied with his career choice. I suspect it might have something to do with the fact that he believes the tenets upon which his job is based are total BS (duuuur!). He fires off an email to the head priest to announce he’s jumping ship, and the compassionate, understanding priest doesn’t take the bloody hint and tells Kovak to go to Rome to take a course on exorcism. Huh? Oh, and being the miserable wuss that he is, Michael agrees. Apologies to all the miserable wusses I may have insulted.
He goes. He whines to a priest that he doesn’t want to be there and that he doesn’t believe in God. Instead of smacking Kovak’s blank Bella-face right off his skull and telling him to get a grip on his life, the priest tells him to pay a visit to Anthony Hopkins’ Father Lucas Trevant, an experienced exorcist. Hopkins, the movie’s lone saving grace, plays the role with an over-the-top hamminess in a failing effort to battle the crushing lifelessness of this God-forsaken waste of celluloid.
This is the point where a bad film becomes a soul-crushing, nauseatingly awful film. Håfström slogs through every misbegotten second of this cinematic abortion. He repeatedly alternates between attempted atmospheric horror and ill-conceived jump scares that don’t make us jump. There’s a few exorcism sessions that fail to engage – they’re as cold and removed as O’Donoghue’s performance. The first of these contains a jaw-dropping piece of astonishingly harebrained comic relief, in which Hopkins’ cell rings and he answers it. IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXORCISM. While his intentional humor fails, Håfström’s attempts at creepy symbolism (mostly through animals) are unintentionally hilarious.
Such mind-boggling drivel fills every frame of this poorly-paced monstrosity. It may be merely two hours long, but it feels like seven. There’s an obligatory love interest for Kovak that eats up precious minutes. A subplot involving the death of his dad goes absolutely nowhere. What plot points are relevant extend far past any reasonable amount of time and condescendingly linger to drive home the obvious.
The ending is predictable as can be – I called everything that would happen LONG before the film arrived at the point. The Rite is a depressingly awful affair with a compulsively loathsome protagonist, sickening acting (save Hopkins) and a ridiculous plot spread over far too much film. Avoid this movie like you would a serial rapist.
2.5/10
Batman Begins review
Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins was the film that lifted the Batman franchise from terrors of Joel Schumacher’s Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. However, to accomplish such a feat isn’t exactly difficult. Nolan’s first go, while not a failure, suffers from an overwhelming sense of blandness and a disappointing script.
The film opens with Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) in a prison in Asia. A headstrong, brooding man skilled in martial arts, Bruce lands himself in solitary confinement after teaching some thugs a lesson. In solitary, he is confronted by Ducard (Liam Neeson), a member of the mysterious League of Shadows, a secretive organization whose purpose is to exact justice on the criminal underworld. He recruits Wayne, and the movie dives into his backstory and into layers of Wayne’s own psychoses.
Impeccably shot and masterfully edited, the first act is accomplished with the skill we have all come to know from Nolan. It’s a painful vision of a child whose parents were murdered, and whose thirst for vengeance has bled into his adulthood; character development at its finest.
Bruce soon discovers that the League has intentions to conduct unspeakable monstrosities against his home city of Gotham, and escapes from their headquarters to put his training to use. He takes up the mantle of Batman; a masked avenger whose weapon is fear; whose quest is to root out the corruption in Gotham’s infrastructure and restore order to a city in chaos.
Unfortunately, once Wayne reaches Gotham, the film becomes overwhelmingly dull. Many of the scenes where he dons the suit and cowl lack energy or menace. Perhaps it is because Gotham itself is so uninteresting. Nolan’s scope for the city is more than a little limited. It lacks realism and appears specifically manufactured for the needs of the film (it was mostly shot on a soundstage), and is shot with some surprisingly boring cinematography, on a lulling yellow color palette. Yes, the city looks dilapidated and depressing, but only artificially so.
The acting is mostly sound. Bale and Neeson, as well as Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman and Gary Oldman aquit themselves admirably.
However, Katie Holmes is terribly miscast Gotham DA and primary love interest Rachel Dawes. But, then again, who could make her expository, platitude-soaked dialog sound GOOD? Tom Wilkins hams it up as a one-note mob boss who is just like every other mob boss in every other movie you’ve ever seen. But, perhaps the most wasted actor is Cillian Murphy as Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow.
Murphy is one of the best actors working today, and has the perfect look and voice to play a villain who would truly scare the living daylights out of you. As Scarecrow’s weapons are panic and madness, the opportunity more than presents itself for a truly memorable screen villain. Instead, he gets a few occasional scenes to spray his fear toxin at a select few people, the effects of which are exemplified through some decidedly-NOT-scary and occasionally laughable CG morphing.
The action sequences are well-done, culminating in a show-stopping fight on a monorail train. However, a gaping plot-hole in the villains’ plan made it all seem empty. I’m keeping this review spoiler-free, but suffice to say that, in order for the plot to succeed, one has to assume that no one in the city cooks or showers. The hole is THAT big, and it detracted from the experience overall.
While Batman Begins is not a total failure, it left very much to be desired. Batman himself is simply not interesting, nor is his setting, nor are the characters who inhabit it. After its magnificent first act, the plot is popcorn fare at best. It’s a passable turn-your-brain-off action flick, but nothing more.
5.5/10
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